“Scotty Doesn’t Know” Is Now Confirmed, The Best Fake Song Of All Time

Trending in the United States today, a fake song about a guy who doesn’t know his girlfriend is cheating on him. We all remember it from the critically acclaimed comedy, Eurotrip:

If you don’t know this song you’re a moron. Can you live without seeing the movie? Certainly. The movie was “fine.” It wasn’t like, Old School/Superbad/Step Brothers cult stuff. However, if you haven’t seen Matt Damon blatantly disrespecting this man Scotty by bragging about all the times he and Fiona fucked behind his back, it’s unacceptable.

Scotty doesn’t know that Fiona and me
Do it in my van every Sunday
She tells him she’s in church but
She doesn’t go

Still she’s on her knees and
Scotty doesn’t know Oh

Scotty doesn’t know oh
So don’t tell Scotty
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
(So don’t tell Scotty!)

Fiona says she’s out shoppin’
But she’s under me
And I’m not stoppin’ ’cause

Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
So don’t tell Scotty
Scotty doesn’t know
(Don’t tell Scotty!)

I can’t believe he’s so trustin’
While I’m right behind you thrustin’
Fiona’s got him on the phone
And she’s tryin’ not to moan
It’s a three way call
And he knows nothin’, nothin’

Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Don’t tell Scotty ’cause
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know oh

So don’t tell Scotty
We’ll put on a show
Everyone’ll go
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know oh

The parking lot, why not
It’s so cool when you’re on top
His front lawn, in the snow
Life is so hard ’cause
Scotty doesn’t know

Scotty doesn’t know

I did her on his birthday
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Don’t tell scotty
Scotty doesn’t know oh

Scotty will know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty’s gotta know
I’m gonna tell Scotty
Gonna tell him myself
Scotty has to know

Scotty has to know
Scotty has to
Scotty has to
Scotty has to go
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know (Don’t Tell Scotty!)
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know (Don’t Tell Scotty, Scotty doesn’t know)
Scotty doesn’t
Scotty doesn’t
Scotty doesn’t know

Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty doesn’t know
Scotty’s gotta go

She would tell him she was at church!! Then she wouldn’t go, because she’d be on her knees. PRESUMABLY GIVING MATT DAMON A BLOWJOB SCOTTY! DID YOU GET THAT PART? SHE WAS BLOWING HIM. Even when you guys were on the phone, she was also getting fucked by Matt Damon at that point. I also LOVE how the perspective is that it’s an INCONVENIENCE that Scotty doesn’t know! Matt Damon doesn’t feel bad, he’s irritated that he has to “be careful” about fucking his girl in public because she’s “dating Scotty.” It raises the question – is Scotty a fucking idiot? Your girl was cheating on you as hard as she possibly could, and it doesn’t sound like she was being secretive about it. He really had NO IDEA? Smh Scotty. To be fair, this was pre-social media. No WAY Scotty could’ve been monitoring Fiona’s social activity without so much as a Twitter account.

I remember downloading this song on Kazaa for my MP3 player and learning all of the lyrics – movie came out in 2004, just in time to teach all of us early teens about the harsh realities of life. Sometimes, your S/O is going to cheat right in your fucking face for an extended period of time, and then you’re only going to find out in a super humiliating public way.

But, then you probably get to go to Europe after! Win-win, really.

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