You asked for a war on Christmas? You got it. Dr Fauci has deemed Santa Claus “immune to COVID-19.”
Oh, really? We’re supposed to believe you? This man passes from house to house all over the world and eats every single cookie that all of the snotty kids rubbed their boogers all over before setting them up. I understand he’s “magic,” but are we SURE he’s not going to be a Super Spreader??? I spell a conspiracy.
Actual COVID aside, Santa couldn’t give the parents a fuckin’ break? Maybe he doesn’t have to explicitly tell the media he’s immune. Maybe it should be up to the parents to choose whether or not they’re too broke now, after being laid off in a Pandemic, to buy their kids all of the new overpriced hunks of plastic that they’ll undoubtedly break while putting together. It’s been a tough year for everyone financially. Maybe “Giving Santa COVID” was the get out of jail free card. A story that would be retold when the child was old enough, to prove to them how tough times were. Maybe it’s going to be a smaller Christmas than usual for the same reasons, and blaming Santa for “not bringing that much” because he’s “still pretty weak from COVID, he still can’t even taste his food” seems like a REAL good excuse to me.
Or, they could’ve used Santa as an example. “Even SANTA is staying home this Christmas! Let’s take this seriously, guys!”
Nope. Not Jolly Ol Saint Nick. That fat fuck just HAS to make sure he still has the spotlight. His job is raising the bar as high as he possibly can, only to make parents around the world scramble to live up to the expectation. He wants to continue breaking into houses, watching us while we sleep, and leaving a bunch of crumbs for the fucking ants to crowd around by morning. Even in the middle of a worldwide crisis.
Shame on you, Santa.