This Just In: Psalm West Is The Smartest, Most Business Savvy 14-day Old In Existence

Just when you thought you were on your high horse because your new baby started picking up its own cheerios at 4 months? 8 months? a very advanced age, the newest Kardashian-West baby Psalm West is here to let you know that your baby is actually dumb.

Kimmy K woke up this morning to her genius newborn, said “Good Morning, Psalm, how are you today on this gorgeous, fourteenth day of life?” Psalm then replied, “I’m fantastic dear mother, and I’ve got some news. I’ve finally decided to join the family business.”

Don’t believe me? Well, TMZ reported it. So it must be true.

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Sources tell me Kim replied, “About time! Haha. No, but we’ve actually lost a bit of headway in these 14 days, I really would’ve appreciated an answer sooner. No biggie! I’ve taken the liberty of copyrighting the following products for you, just in case.”

Hair accessories, including barrettes, bands, bows, clips, ties, ornaments, pins, scrunchies, chopsticks, twisters and wraps, hair extensions ornamental novelty pins, entertainment services, personal appearances, skin care, probiotic supplements, toy figures and doll accessories, computer software, clothing, baby bottles, furniture, strollers, beverageware, swaddling blankets, skin moisturizers, lotions, creams, bubble bath, fragrances, body powders, shower gels, body oils, skin serums, nail polish, nail polish remover, nail care preparations, puppets, puzzles, toy jewelry, toy cameras, toy food, bath toys, baby gyms, playground balls, electronic action toys, baby bouncers, baby changing tables, baby walkers, pillows, mirrors, cushions, picture frames and playpens, baby carriers, cosmetic bags, toiletry cases, duffle bags, umbrellas, clocks, watches, key chains, calendars, books, photo albums, stationery, stickers, writing utensils and collectible trading cards.

Seeing as Psalm is the prodigal son, he’s reported to be happy with his mother’s decision to go ahead and force this future life upon him. “The moment I was conceived, my immediately working mind started workshopping patterned prints for my own swaddling blankets. Although my olfactory receptors and basic motor skills haven’t quite developed entirely, I’m confident that we’ll be at least 143% above quota with our fragrance line and beverageware by the end of the 2020 fiscal year. I’m very much looking forward to being a boss, while also being a baby.”

Best of luck to you, Psalm!

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